Manhole: A hole through which one may go through especially to gain access to an underground or enclosed structure.
I think this clearly states this week… Sooooo much has been going on that I began to retreat to my hole again… Ugh… Mmmm, sad :(
Unfortunately, I’ve been dealt some tough blows this week. My daddy “s” (I refer to him as daddy ”s” – in blog only, obviously I call him dad in real life – because I have 2 moms and 2 dads – in case that puzzles you – it is bio mom + stepdad & bio dad + stepmom - and ironically I have very little relatives)… Anyhow, my daddy “s” was admitted to the hospital and gave me and my mommy “b” a scare… I’m sad to say he is still in the hospital but we hope to bring him home soon… Never the less, it has caused a very crazy and stressful week for me… Not only have I been worrying about my daddy “s” and his state in the hospital but I have been worrying about my mommy “b” because I hope she can be strong through all of this… All my life… ALL my life, I have had to take care of my parents (yes all four) emotionally… I think when I was younger, taking care of them was like second nature… I didn’t know any other way to be with my parents… Our roles were definitely reversed – I parented them – gave them advice – handled their life paperwork – made sure the house was clean and everyone was ok at work – so on and so on – all from the age of a 3rd grader and up… When I finally moved out on my own at the age of 18, life was soooo different… I was no longer working around parents but trying to find my own way… With that said, now that I am older, I find it hard sometimes to be there for my parents… Then I feel guilty that I am not doing a good job at being there for them… But I am just depleted of parenting my parents… All my life and even today, I long for someone who can be there for me during tough times… Someone who can put their arms around me and say, “Don’t worry honey, everything will be alright, and if it won’t, you’ll make it through” … As of today, 30 years in the making, I am struggling to find a balance in being there for my parents and not doing things for them that they should be doing for themselves… Does that make sense? Does that make me a selfish daughter?… It hurts to not know where to draw the line….